roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
