I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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