He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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