apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
