You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize