i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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