I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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