i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize