I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
