Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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