you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
