I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
