Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
