glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
