If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize