this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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