I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need water and some morals
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
