We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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