i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
