Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
At least make sure they are 18
Why
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
