just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
