I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
