Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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