He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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