Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize