dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
