I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
