were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
