party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
