I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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