he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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