How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
