I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
