I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
