It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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