i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
