I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
