What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
