i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
