you guys were way drunker than both of me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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