So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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