your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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