a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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