Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
