is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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