I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
