i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
