"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
