Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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