trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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