i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
