I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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