D3 body, D1 cock
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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