In the future we'll all be gay
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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