just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize