I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
