I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
