The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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