I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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