Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
