how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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