I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
