Me too!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
