no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
