we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
