I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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