We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
