i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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