Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
