I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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